i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
