Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
