A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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