3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
i barfeds in our rink
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
