...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He has the fingertips of a God
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