It was confusing and full of hummus
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize