You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just gargled with NyQuil
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My life is pants optional.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
