My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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