she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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