Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
