Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
