my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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