That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
