The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
