8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
