Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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