Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
