I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
