my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
