its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
