i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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