sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
