Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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