just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
