How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
