a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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