I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.