as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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