How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i think i just lost a toe
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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