This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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