I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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