FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
