Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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