I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
