My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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