I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
