He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
