how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
