i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
