I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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