He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
