i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
