Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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