Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
