I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
