shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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