Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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