Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
