I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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