This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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