One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
