i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have post one night stand depression
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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