we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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