is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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