Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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