is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
