I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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