So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
