Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
