even my farts smell like vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
