Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
